Now We Are Six When I was One, I had just begun. When I was Two, I was nearly new. When I was Three I was hardly me. When I was Four, I was not much more. When I was Five, I was just alive. But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever, So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever. A. A. Milne
As parents, we tend to view knowledge-transfer with our kids as uni-directional. We are after all the parents – we teach and our kids learn. Although this is may hold largely, there are some truly amazing things we can learn from our tiny tots that can enhance our adult lives.
Here I have compiled just a few things we can gain from our kids if we keep an open mind.
1. Being in the moment
Kids are in a way like Zen Masters since they absolutely live in the moment. Their life experience is what most of us adults try to seek almost all our adult life but in vain! It is unfortunate that we lose this ability as we grow older. My 6 yr old came up to me the other day and said, ” Dad, my friends are troubling me. They are teasing me. I don’t like them!” My self-contrived ego flared up. I felt hurt and internally I was already cursing my son’s friends. Luckily, I managed to keep my emotions to myself and diverted this issue. The next day I was curious what my son would do. Of course, when the time came and his friends called, he didn’t think twice. He jumped up and ran out to play with them! Not once after that has he mentioned the incident again. Although psychologists could perhaps analyse this in depth, the plain truth is that kids don’t hold grudges. And that’s a great thing. Grudges are baggage sticking to us weighing us down as we go through life. Chuck them and live free.
2. No regrets
A corollary of being in the moment is having no regrets. While grudges are usually directed toward someone else, regret is a grudge toward oneself. Kids have a supernatural power of not ever having regrets. I have never heard the phrase. A natural extension of being in the moment, kids don’t dwell on that which got away. They are so keen on the present experience, so full of enthusiasm for the now, that they really don’t have time for the past. Adults have such experiences sometimes such as when we are really concentrating on something – like keeping our balance when skating, or if we are really immersed in a game. Unfortunately, we often get sucked into moping over all those things we could have achieved, or shouldn’t have done…let’s learn from our kids. Let’s let go.
3. Being forgiving
One of the main reasons, grudges and regrets stay with us because we are not ready to forgive. As the saying goes, we may forget, sometimes, but we never forgive. But we can achieve true freedom when we forgive – everyone, including ourselves. Strong emotions associated with a grudge or a regret, such as shame and anger, arise in us to help us learn. And learn we should. But unfortunately, our brain is tricked into thinking that we are reliving the whole thing whenever we remember the experience. This leads to the rise of the same emotions – even though this time around it’s just a memory, Nevertheless, every such cycle strengthens the neural pathways, reinforcing the grudge or regret. Fortunately, kids do not dwell on such things too much, thus not giving the brain a chance to get stuck in a rut. And this is something we adults sorely need.
4. Zest for life
We have all seen movie scenes of kids rushing into their parents’ bedroom on Christmas morning and dragging the parents out of bed. The scene usually also shows exhausted and exasperated parents! Admittedly, that level of excitement is not something us parents can sustain for long. Still, it is something we adults should definitely strive for. A pure, unadulterated, zest for life! Waking up in the morning raring to take on life! Wow, what a feeling! A new day holds so much promise. Our attitude holds the key to our take on life. Reminding ourselves of the wonder that Life is and being thankful for what we have helps us enjoy each moment of our lives to the fullest. Our kids don’t need a philosophical lesson to teach them that! Remember, you were once like that too!
5. Resilience
We know life can knock us over at times – in fact, downs are as much a part of life as ups. In such times, our adult mind tends to go into overdrive. Since it prefers to be in control, our brain, and by extension, our mind, tries to make sense of the situation. Sometimes thinking and re-thinking and agonizing over the issue helps us come to terms with the predicament. But many times the process may push us into a hole we have trouble coming out of. Luckily, kids don’t have that problem! Although they seem fragile, kids are so much more resilient that we think. In a world where skids and falls, scratches and sprains are common, you will find kids brushing those off and getting back to play. The fact that kids don’t or can’t over-analyze is ever so important in facing a world full of obstacles. As adults too, we sometimes need to just get up, brush off, and move on. Don’t overthink it. Just do it.
6. Patience
Really, patience?! You say. When have you ever seen a patient kid? Yes, this one is something your kid teaches you, not because they are epitomes of patience, but because, without learning patience, we as parents are liable to go mad. As a parent, we quickly learn the art of taking deep breaths, and telling ourselves, “This too shall pass” – a life skill that we have to imbibe almost as quickly as Trinity learning to ride the helicopter in Matrix. But again, everyone knows it’s not a bad trait to have – and it’s one that will hold us adults in good stead.
There you have it. At times when you feel like screaming and crying, at times when all you can think of is how much your kids trouble you, remember, they are there for a reason. It’s for us to find life lessons in times of stress. After all, we signed up for it as parents didn’t we?!
May you find balance in your parenting.
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